Saved By The Bell End
Like the majority of the population, I’ve been amazed by the rise of Barack Obama. Only a few years ago, it would have been unthinkable; but we finally have an American who weighs less than a hippopotamus.
Obama will be under immediate pressure to right the wrongs of the Bush administration. I’m demanding change like one of Robbie Savage’s mob.
The new president’s most important task is to stabilise the banking industry. All stocks and shares have hit rock bottom, including England’s leading laughing stock, Manchester City.
The Kaka saga has been hilarious throughout. Even the valuation was a joke. To reach £108m, they must have started with his true market value, added Helen Chamberlain’s age and then multiplied by the number of Ulrika Jonsson’s children.
After the deal fell through, the Manchester City spokesman continued the comical theme. “It’s not the end of the world, we’ve got Craig Bellamy,” he deadpanned.
Bellamy disgracefully went on strike at West Ham in order to engineer his move to Eastlands. He tried to garner support from his trade union, but the Welsh Alliance of Narcissistic Killjoys Endemic in Recreational Soccer refused to help.
He then cheekily approached my own trade union, but the Consolidated Union of Noteworthy Tipsters also declined to assist him on this occasion.
We simply found it impossible to warm to Bellamy’s plight. If there’s ever been a more disagreeable person than the Welshman, I have yet to meet him. Obviously, this is a ‘without Harry Redknapp’ market.
In a world increasingly embracing the concept of change, it’s refreshing to see Dirty Harry remain the odious individual that we have came to know and support through the medium of the betting exchange.
Harry acted disgracefully with his “My wife would have scored that” remark last week. A lesser man than I would take the opportunity to talk about how often his wife scores, but I ooze integrity and never land the cheap blow, unless of course I run in to Rio Ferdinand.
I have aimed a few sly digs towards Rafa Benitez in the past, but the overweight catering service provider may not be as dumb as I have previously inferred.
Rafa has turned down the offer of a new contract, demanding autonomy in all future transfer dealings. Benitez has shrewdly given himself an out for the Robbie Keane debacle. He probably should have saved this ‘get out of jail free card’ for Steven Gerrard.
When Stevie does get sent to prison, he might end up with his wife as one of the guards. I hear she’s an experienced screw. I’ll be twisted when Coventry see off Torquay, I’m staking three points at an exceptionally game 2.12.
