Roy’ll Rumble…but not with Big Gay Al
Before Roy Keane became an atrocious manager, he used to be a hard-working footballer. I remember the ground he used to cover during the matches against Arsenal, but he did spend most of the game in Vieira’s pocket.
Keane has always been a controversial character. I remember when the preparations for Ireland’s 2002 World Cup campaign were far from ideal. Less principled men would have stayed and fought for their country while the chips were down, but Keane walked away like Dwight Yorke from a fat baby.
Roy would also stir things up at Old Trafford. He labelled United fans the ‘prawn-sandwich brigade’ and insinuated that Rio Ferdinand was a tool. Even the mentally unstable can occasionally hit a nail on the head.
That famous rant coupled with a dodgy hip forced Slur Alex to release Keane from Old Trafford. Roy had the intestinal fortitude to then move to the club that he supported as a boy, and take a ridiculous wage each week for not playing.
Keane was undoubtedly a ferocious competitor, but I would have to question his courage. He’d dish out plenty when playing against the likes of Alf-Inge Haaland, but when up against an opponent who could handle himself in the ruck, Keane would show about as much bravery as the lion from The Wizard of Oz. I remember when Alan Shearer fronted him - Keane’s rectum collapsed like the Twin Towers.
Roy has one again bottled it; this time from his role as Sunderland manager. Every morning he looked in the mirror and asked whether he was the right man for the job. He’s finally listened to the suicide bomber impersonator who always replied in the negative.
Roy should never have been appointed in the first place. The likes of Keane, Robson and Ince are only given opportunities as they have a longstanding relationship with Sir Alex. It won’t be long before a chairman gives a job to the shelf-stacker from Fergie’s local off-license.
It’s quite ironic that Keane threw the towel in before a match against Manchester United. He knew that Sunderland were going to have their pants pulled down, especially as Ronaldo returns after a one-match ban for a fisting offence.
Ronaldo was unlucky to be sent off last week as he clearly punched the ball after hearing a whistle. He deserves an apology from Ashley Cole.
The week has improved for Ronaldo though; the arrogant shemale has been named as the best footballer in Europe. For some unexplained reason, he received a balloon as his reward. If he doesn’t want to blow it up, he can always give it to Mido.
As much as I’d like to make United my nap of the week, the odds are just too skinny. Instead, I’ll have one point on Newcastle to beat Stoke at 5/6. I’m going to be like Roy Keane when my investment obliges, I’ll leave work and take a dog for some exercise.
