Rocking and a-kneelin’ Barber Stan
Ashley Cole is not a religious man (although he does spend a lot of time on his knees), but he must be thanking a higher power for the return of the Premier League after receiving a torrent of abuse on international duty.
Cole has remained an unpopular figure since his alleged affair with a dodgy looking hairdresser. I was absolutely stunned when that story broke - I thought they were still called barbers.
Ashley Cole’s alleged infidelity came as no real surprise to me, as he and Tweedy appeared to be incompatible from the very beginning. Cheryl’s a down-to-earth lass who just wanted a ring on her finger - Ashley just wanted a finger on his ring.
Cole’s alleged love of the ‘away from home’ fixture may have been a contributory factor towards the England supporters’ behaviour, but I believe it’s more a result of Cole disappearing up his own backside. I’m just surprised that he found the room.
Rio ‘I ain’t going to no drug test’ Ferdinand was quick to criticise the England supporters after the game. I find it hard to take his opinion seriously as he was probably offering his condescending diatribe while drink-driving and kicking a female steward.
Frank Lampard was also critical of the England fans. I just hope that we get to see ‘Frank Lampard’ and ‘critical’ in the same sentence again.
It was left to Steven Gerrard to stand up for the supporters’ right to boo; although it would have been hypocritical if he didn’t - he used to join in when Lampard was on the receiving end.
If you haven’t already guessed, I support the right for a paying customer to voice their disapproval if a performance isn’t up to scratch. The last time I made love; I booed and hissed for the remaining fifty-eight minutes.
My dislike of Cole is admittedly personal: it stems back to the time when we used to play cricket together. I was absolutely convinced that he was getting himself out on purpose, just so the umpire could put his finger up.
It didn’t help when I rang him up after one match to voice my concerns – it would take him fifteen minutes to answer his mobile phone.
He was also argumentative when we’d all go out for a post-match meal. All the lads would want a curry, but he always fancied a Bernie Inn.
He’s progressed into an even bigger tool since he moved to Chelsea. He really fancies himself now he’s on the left of John Terry, but then again, who isn’t?
If I ever bumped in to Ashley again, I’d happily boo him – although I do appreciate the danger of opening my mouth in his vicinity. There is nothing hazardous about backing Arsenal to beat Everton by two or more goals at 11/10.
